Sunday, August 19, 2012

I've been humming this song since this morning, the Indian girl next to me at the bus stop thinks I am nuts because I just keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

My God reigns, His love will never fail me.
My God reigns, He's ruling over all
In all my life
In every situation, I know.
My God is greater, my God is over all.

In CGM this week, during testimony time, I wanted to give my testimony. However, boldness is not in me so I ended up keeping it to myself. It takes a lot for me to speak in front of so many people.

During these tough times, I know I neglected Him too many a time.
Looking back at the past week, I don't even realised how blessed I am to have the people around me.
These people here in my life, it just seemed as if they took turns to take care of me and they are very willing to help me, even when I don't ask them, they just come to me with their help.

What more can I ask for? Sometimes, it is hard when I think about it, but I know, He is behind something that I have yet to see. Yet, He gives these people to me, to keep reminding me that He had indeed planned everything.

Your fears fear God.
And if God is behind you, what else are you afraid of?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


Last Sunday, we went to The Ink Room for a while because WeeYang wanted to check out bibles.
So I ended up walking to the book columns as usual, looking at the cheaper ones as usual.
Then I picked up this book and read the blurb at the back. And I ended up buying that book.

At the back, it said this:-
' I am convinced that the reason the Holy Spirit has brought you to this book is this: You already know you need to pray........' -David Yonggi Cho-

Somehow, I ended up with the book instead of WeeYang with any bibles.

I've always known, my lifestyle ain't about prayer. Prayer lifestyle is something that I find hardest to adopt. These days, I find it even harder and harder to pray. Somehow, I find it so much more easier when I am in church. WEIRD but true. I know praying more 'confidently' on Sundays will not bring power to my prayers.

Life's been on the rocks since I decided to leave the room. The point where I know my Christian lifestyle would be so different, and God is doing a change inside of me. I know much prayer is needed. I tried to pray but sometimes looking at the situation, I don't even know where to start. I always ended up with super short prayer and then I will go and sleep, just like a routine, with no expectation at all.

And tonight as I was browsing through the book;
'Living your life before the Holy Spirit in gentleness, you will become accustomed to the Lord's abiding presence. The Lord's continually abiding presence will bring about 2 most important changes. The first is BROKENNESS and the second is SURRENDER.'

I know, I am not there yet.
I still have pride in me. And brokenness and pride cannot coexist!

I've let the Lord speak to me, then half-way I am shunning Him away because I didn't trust Him fully.
So where am I now?

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


Conviction of the Holy Spirit.

I've been living my life according to the law. Never breaking them well maybe except a few parts here and there when I was in school. Rules are meant to be broken anyway!

But this time, I'd made a decision, a decision that will benefit me in ways that will also lessen the burden of the people around me; mostly financially and convenience. I was pretty sure that it is the right way, I made myself believe that it is the most correct way. Well, it made a lot of sense and it is just one year period, I can go through it.

Then, one night, the night before I shifted, the Holy Spirit convicted and struck me hard.
The bus trip back from CGM, I was reminded again and again of how He had been providing for my family and I all these while, so why am I not trusting Him enough this time?

10 years in church, I've been taught to live out the values of Jesus.
For me to live like a illegal immigrant in NUS ain't what He have in mind for me.
If I can't live right with the physical law, how am I going to live right before Him?
What more, to be a witness for him in this place call Earth?!
So much for being more and more like Christ, I am certainly not going that way when I can't even tell people where I am staying.

Pretty much that night, I struggled in my own head and heart.
Made a decision that will keep me homeless for a time being but I know He won't keep me homeless for long.
Maybe a decision that most of my friends wouldn't understand but at least, my family thinks it is the right thing to do.
Maybe a decision that will keep me tight on my budget for a long long time, but at least, I know somehow whatever I need will come through somehow.
Maybe a decision that for now I think I am crazy to make, but when I look back in the future, I will be glad I made this decision and made Him proud.

Now, all I can do is:-
He will indeed provide for me at the right time, and at the right amount!